The art of Persuasion

Persuasion does not involve convincing someone of the truth of something you believe in. Most people cannot be convinced on a point when they know you are trying to convince them. A natural barrier comes up and they reject what you are saying. Only poor salesman believe that persuasion is a kind of verbal gunpoint. Truly persuasive people let other people persuade themselves.

This is not a mysterious process: it is human psychology. If a person already believes what you are saying, then he will agree with your reasons behind the belief. If he doubts what you are saying, then he will disagree with your reasons. We tend to think that reasons cause a belief, but it is the other way around: our beliefs generate our reasons. So, it is essentially pointless to try to persuade someone through reason.

Persuasion starts when the person who is trying to be persuasive gives up. When this happens he can focus on understanding what the other person believes. As the other person explains his beliefs, he can ask questions and see where doubt may exist. In this way, persuasion is not an act of force: it is an act of assuasive doubt.

A feeling by any other name would be a thought

Our thoughts are often labels of our feelings. When we think I’m hungry, I want to eat, we are labeling a specific feeling – the feeling of hunger. It is easy to see why this is a feeling – we all know what hunger feels like. It is that empty sensation in the stomach, perhaps accompanied by gurgling noises. To think, or to say, I’m hungry when we feel this way is so natural we don’t even notice it.